Tak Salah Jadi Diri Sendiri

Kau buat aku benci aku, 

Jadi apa lagi yang tinggal jika aku membenci seluruh aku?

Perlahan kau corakkan aku seperti yang engkau mahu.

Kau atur supaya aku menyukai aku yang tiada aku.

Lama-lama, aku yang tinggal adalah aku yang bukan aku.

Tiada rasa benci pada aku yang bukan aku.

Tiada juga rasa pada aku yang sebenar aku.

Kerana aku yang sebenar aku hanya memori dalam aku yang sebenar aku yang kini sudah menjadi aku yang bukan aku.

Semuanya bukan aku.

Semuanya hanya aku yang bukan aku.

Siapa sebenarnya yang engkau mahu?

WHEN I DON'T UNDERSTAND MYSELF

Salam~

Annyeong~

Whenever I feel like this.

I know that it's normal due to my imbalance hormone changes.

But sometimes I don't understand myself.

I know but I don't understand.

This feeling like crunching my bone.

If you can see my virtual feeling right now.

It feels like my heart is smashed, cracked sejuta macam rear windscreen CDJ punya ari tu.

Tears keep falling like hujan.

Sensitive to every word mentioned to me.

The part that make me curious the most is...why am I being sensitive only to that person?

Maybe....

Maybe me being sensitive to that person only for this cycle.

Maybe....

If I just follow my kepala yang penuh emosi right now.

I'll grab a ladder, tall ladder to get back what belongs to me.

If that ladder is not tall enough, I'll rent a crane or anything taller to reach for it.

If nothing can reach it.

I'll just goyang2 and let that thing smash to ground.

I don't care anymore.

Okay, itu kalau ikut kepala yang emosi.

But I won't.

I'll wait. 

Try to compose myself until all the gelora is gone.

Then I'll think.

I'll pray.

Cuz deep inside I know although I'm not understand.

It was a worth move to put that thing up high.

Written on 22/9/2014

WE #3

Salam~

Annyeong~

Trust!

Yeps...

And that is why I'm telling you all my secrets.

Yes, when I said all, it really means all.

You know what.

Too much until it made you angry.

Sorry for showing the bad side of me.

I just don't wanna hide things form you.

It is better if you know who am I in the past.

The past is in the past.

Even I don't do it anymore but the story had become my history.

It was part of my life.

It makes me the me now.

Sorry...

(Eh ayat terabur sket, tapi boleh paham kan?)

When I feel like to be the old me, the bad me, you came.

You was directing me to you.

Bukan lah jalan yang bercahaya sangat.

But its better, and I can see you clear enough.

I hope someday the path will become brighter.

That was how I manage to control my life again.

With you to lead.

Direktor kecil which is not so small.

You said you trust me.

Jangan sia2 kan your trust.

I feel touched.

I trust you even more.

In the same time, I am afraid.

I don't wanna lose you.

Nerve-wrecking moment will come shortly.

I am nervous.

Butterflies in my stomach.

Sebab to boncit hahaha...

Masa taip ni pon my hands are shaking.

Pfttt..

Please, please, please...

Semoga semuanya berjalan lancar...

Aminnnn...

#tahpapejengarut2

#sorrysebabakungahfeelingcamni



WE #2

Salam Isnin~

Annyeong~

Hearing your voice makes me happy.

When my mood is down I need to hear you.

Cehh..padahal tak down pon nak je.

Now I understand the word 'rindu'.

Selama ni cakap rindu parents, rindu kawan, rindu the environment.

But this 'rindu' is totally different.

It's just like killing me from inside.

Missing you to that point.

You said don't call.

Don't talk.

Only text is allowed.

Dah macam dalam library.

You know what.

Texting is not enough.

Sometime I went to my brain archive to search for your sweet voice.

Try to relate your voice to the circumstances that I'm going through.

Dah macam psiko kan?

However that's what I do.

Sometimes...

When I really in need to hear you.

When I know you are busy with your work.

When you are busy with your life.

When you don't have the time to even look at your phone and text me or call me.

Yeah, that's what I do.

Psycho me!

Later when you have time....

You repay for every time that you don't have for me.

You did what I want you to do.

You said what I want you to say.

You stay with me when I want you to stay.

That is why I love you.

But, but, but...

You said yourself you missed me.

You said at night when you are free from work you will be thinking of me.

Why don't you just text me and said that to me.

Even I'll be sleeping at that time.

Your text will definitely make my day brighter for the next day.

Am I too selfish?

To just love is not easy I think.

I must not think only about myself.

This time it is not just me but we.

It's US.

So US it will be.

#PrayForGaza

#prayforUS

-I LOVE U-



WE #1

Salam Jumaat~

Annyeong~

First post pasal kami.

Actually dah ada dah before ni, just ni yang first aku bubuh number.

Experiencing this so called love at the age of 24 is kind of hurmmmm..

First time to try everything.

First time rasa macam2.

Dulu2 aku tertanye-tanye macam mana rasanye bercinta.

Sekarang aku rasa.

Cuma our short perkenalan ni buat aku wondering.

Am I doing the right thing?

Is everything that we did ni betul2 cinta?

He said don't think too much.

When it happen it happen.

Jangan beratkan kepala pikir pasal perkara yang belum jadi.

Just enjoy the feel sekarang.

Hope kita berjaya.

Bukan lah sebijik dia cakap macam tu.

Cuma dalam pikiran aku, itulah yang aku dapat translate.

Maybe sebab first time aku rasa suka kat orang sampai macam ni.

Aku nak dia pay attention kat aku je.

I want him to reply my whatsapp everytime I text him.

I want to hear his voice everyday.

I want to know what he is doing every second.

Ops, too extreme, every minutes kot.

But, but, but...

He's a busy man.

I know that.

I try to be an understanding partner.

I always said takpe I know U are busy.

Deep inside me I feel the kind of feeling yang macam ngada2 tu.

Jadi buat masa sekarang aku try to make my feeling ni simple sikit.

Trust.

Rule number one yang aku kena letak because of our long distance relationship.

When it happen it happen.

Jadi ke tak jadi it's fated.

Cuma mestilah sakit kan kalau tak jadi.

Cuz I already put my heart too high that I can't reach dah kalau nak turunkan elok2.

Hu.hu.hu...

Pray, trust in God's plan.

Dia tahu apa yang terbaik...

Enjoying this sweet2 moments.

#ILOVEU

v(^__^)v

SECEBIS LUAHAN

Salam~

Annyeong~

I left my blog for one month.

No entry.

No visits.

Nothing.

It's not that I'm getting bored with it.

Just my life during that month is kind of bored.

Seriously bored?

Hahahaha.

Just things that I dont want to share here.

Bad things that I'd done.

Very bad till I dont know myself anymore.

Was it really me doing it.

Or was it someone else that using my body and my mind to do such things.

Now I am moving to a new phase of my life.

Love life.

The first step into that dream life has been taken.

The first step seems easy and simple.

And I think I'd done it beautifully.

Just some error here and there that I managed to top up later.

Now I'm trying to bring us to the next step.

Not me.

Its us.

We are trying to bring this relationship to the next phase.

I hope this process wont take too much time.

I dont want to put too much hope.

The longer it takes to reach the next phase the higher my hope.

I dont want to fall and break.

I just wanna fall in love and there he will wait for me to catch me and save me from breaking.